Stuck

I've been feeling kind of stuck lately, that horribly anxious and slow feeling of absolutely nothing happening and not being able to do anything about it. I am stuck.
I'm stuck in a job that I neither love nor hate. I lack inspiration, motivation or even just the inclination to try to better my situations in life. I hate it and I hate that it's self perpetuating too. I loathe that the only thing keeping me in the cycle of emptiness is myself, my apathy.
So yeah, that all sucks.

The thing that really made it hit home was that I got sick about two/three weeks ago and spent my sick leave stuck in the house, finding it physically difficult to move around so I was more or less confined to two seats- and regardless of how bloody comfortable your sofa is I can guarantee that after 3 days of not moving from that seat it will be the most uncomfortable thing you have ever sat on. I couldn't move around easily, and sadly because I felt like shit, I couldn't even do the simple things that I take enjoyment in like playing computer games or writing anything, even just to distract myself. I honestly think this is the longest thing I've written in the past month, sad huh?
However all of this big mental block that I've been having is the by product of a lot of things that have just built up over time and was at it's worst and most noticeable while I was ill.

I think one of the mistakes I made was in creating a tumblr. Don't get me wrong, it's actually a pretty good site if you want to find artwork, but for sharing any other kind of media it's clunky, and slow, and if you follow regular people and not people that use it as a tool for promotion, then you get an unfortunate amount of crap designed to manipulate and coerce you into filling your tumblr space with a parroted opinion that's worded in such a way that if you don't reblog it then you're the scum of the earth that doesn't believe in basic human rights. It's anxiety inducing and quickly makes something that should be a good way to spend an hour of your day into a toxic environment where if you don't reblog, "you may as well unfollow me now". How about- fuck that? I don't need to reblog a post that a stranger has created to tell you my opinions on anything, if you want to know you can ask. If you don't want to know I won't shove my opinion down your throat, insisting that you comply or die. Most of you are human, some of you are even rational beings, I am sure whatever opinion you come to on religious, political, or social matters, you have come to through reasoning and research. Or maybe I'm hoping for too much but eh. I'd like to think I'm an optimist.

One of the good things that I've managed to get out of tumblr, through the blog of an artist I like, was the introduction to this fun short game called the Jimi Hendrix Case. It took me about 30 minutes to complete and I loved every second of it. You play as Jimi Hendrix, investigating the murder of Jimi Hendrix. It's a point and click but it's not obnoxious with it like some other point and clicks where you pick up useless junk that just lives in your inventory for eternity. Seriously game designers, don't do that, you can create an aura of mystery and a challenging puzzle without being a dick by making us think a silkworm is going to be useful and then just have it taking up space for the rest of the game. Nothing in this game is superfluous and in honesty I would have liked the game to be that little bit longer, but the ending to the game it pretty damn fitting. If you're okay with downloading games that aren't on Steam then I'd give this one a look, it's good fun even if it's quick.

Another thing that kept me sane during my incarceration of the self was the magnificent Real Rollplay: Swan Song videos that are up on Itmejp's youtube; playlist here. Stylised like a television show in parts, it was so easy to binge watch somewhere in the region of 150 plus videos. Set in the year 3200 using the Stars Without Numbers gaming system which is a bit like D&D in space. I'd seriously suggest checking it out. Adam Koebel, the game's DM creates a heavily layered universe that is centred around the crew of the Swan Song, a frigate class ship captained by Wilbur Higgins the 3rd, and they're lives as they drift from job to job, from con to con, amongst these stars without numbers.
And now that I've got that incredibly cheesy line out of my system, let me continue. The stories that come about from this strange mish mash of a crew are just enthralling. For example, I found myself close to tears when a character I didn't particularly care for in the beginning left the crew just because of how they grew as a character. You get attached to these fake people- your alcoholic captain, the computer expert with a Spacebook problem and a complete lack of respect for privacy, the tank with the biggest chip on their shoulder, the Doctor (phd) of the ship that really should've just waited for the elevator, the pop loving mechanic, the fanatical Frenchman, one of the nicest Vikings you'll ever meet, a pizza loving artificial intelligence and a talking octopus.
I recommend clearing a week and just marathoning the entire series however I do realise that's not always quite possible. Still, check this series out- or if you prefer fantasy to sci fi check out some of the other Rollplay series, the West Marches is particularly good, and Missclicks has some great moments. Not to mention, the original series that kicked it all off, just titled Rollplay, is fantastic viewing if only for the impossible rolls from the character of Bregor. Following Itmejp on twitter or twitch is a good way to find out when he's going live or when new videos are posted.

And as always, if you do check these out please leave a comment and let me know. I love geeking out with folk. Thanks for letting me ramble on, it's made me feel a little unstuck.